Another snow day? yes, thank you! Even Brandon got a snow day since the negative temperatures kept the car from starting this morning! It's kinda nice, we each take a room and relax in our own way. I can hear Chloe playing with her Pet Shop toys, a big elaborate plot is unfolding and her use of different voices cracks me up! Brandon is upstairs enjoying his PlayStation and iPod; thank God he has earphones on so as not to hear me laughing at his off key rendition of Breaking Benjamin's I Will Not Bow. Me? Well, I must confess that I am writing this blog as I drain a couple water bottles after completing the CardioX workout from P90X. I am sweaty and stinky. Really really stinky. But I just had to sit down with you before I shower so all these thoughts are not lost.
Snow day. It is what every child, no matter how old, hopes for when they see snow falling outside. As grown ups we start to realize some of the hassles that come along with a snow day. I have mixed feelings about these snow days; relief, frustration, worry, and a little comfort.
Snow Day 1: It was nice not to have to get up and run around town dropping people off at school and work. I love not showering until noon! We also got all the Christmas decor down, organized and packed away in the closet. (Brandon just belted out, "I don't really want to be the Queen, I-i-i-i." Hilarious!) Brandon cleaned the entire living room, wait for it...without being asked! Chloe got the bug and cleaned her room, even made the bed! It felt good to have no responsibilities to pull us away from our neat and tidy abode. Unfortunately for me, I could not connect to Blackboard; the system UNK uses for instructors to provide class information to students. I cannot figure out if it is my computer or the actual system and since UNK is shutdown, I have no one to contact for help...argh! So when the news came that UNK had another snow day today, I did feel relieved. Probably the worse part of Snow Day 1 is that I did not get the P90X DVD to do my workout...oh but I will not let that stop me form completing my 90 workouts in 90 days!
Snow Day 2: Chloe and I were bundled up head to toe ready to drive Brandon out to Cabela's for work when he came back up to tell us that the car wouldn't start. I do drive a 1990 Buick Le Sabre so I wasn't too surprised since it was -7 without the windchill. Good thing the temperature got above zero, because I was not going another day with no P90X! I ate a great breakfast; ham and egg white scramble with one slice of double fiber toast with PB - so yummy! I was ready to workout. So when we finally get the car started, I trek over to Tricia's to get the DVD. This is where success met failure. I thought I would be a good sister and use my car to pack down some snow in front of the house but my car is a bit of a low rider so I got us stuck! Oh what fun we had getting the car out. Thank God Josh came over and helped direct and dig us out, didn't hurt that he could push the car much better than us! (Brandon; "welcome to the hotel California!")
So Snow Day, Schmo Day! I will not be kept from my P90X! Now though I have CardioX done, I will still have to do today's workout so I am caught up and ready for Yoga tomorrow. I find comfort in my drive to meet my goal but this week has been hard. I like working out in our group. Being with other people is fun, but knowing that I will do it no matter what is a necessity in my life too. I am ready for the snow days to be over and to be able to get into the rhythm of this semester's schedule.
Confession time: I don't think it is any help to read about everything being peachy. so here go the rose colored glasses. P90X is hard. For me, any exercise is hard and sticking with something everyday feels impossible. Last night at dinner I was so stressed about failing, worrying about other people being disappointed but not surprised if I failed. I was a mess, a huge rubber band ball bouncing around in my gut. Then today, I cried in the middle of the workout, not because it hurt - well it hurt - but because I felt so worthless, like even my best was not gonna be enough to complete this journey. I didn't stop. I kept going, tears streaming down my face. It's not pretty but its real. At some point this process has to become all about me. I am doing this for me. I am not looking to loose a certain number of pounds or inches. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am worthy. I am worthy of my attention, my love and my time. I love my family and would do anything for them. I just want to feel that way about myself. Its a difficult road. I don't know my way, I guess at every turn, but if I stay focused on taking one step at a time I will get where I want to be...I might just become...
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